Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
Daniel Tosh
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Bully
Bomb
Bombs
Build
Learning
Really
Shuts
Pipe
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
You should never eat when you're on the toilet. But I'm lactose-intolerant, and I always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole milk! That's more of an almond milk cereal, but live your dream.
Daniel Tosh
It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
Daniel Tosh
I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'
Daniel Tosh
I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
Daniel Tosh
The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
Daniel Tosh
I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
Daniel Tosh
If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
Daniel Tosh
If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable - unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.
Daniel Tosh
I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.
Daniel Tosh
No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.
Daniel Tosh
I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
Daniel Tosh
I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
Daniel Tosh
I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
Daniel Tosh
You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
Daniel Tosh
I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.
Daniel Tosh
I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
Daniel Tosh
Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
Daniel Tosh
You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
Daniel Tosh
Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
Daniel Tosh
How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
Daniel Tosh
