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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
People
Cashmere
Touching
Highly
Oil
Sensitive
Fingers
Poor
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
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You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.
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Now it's time for amasians... That's Asians doing something amazing.
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Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
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I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
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How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
Daniel Tosh
That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
Daniel Tosh
It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
Daniel Tosh
If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable - unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.
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There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
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I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
Daniel Tosh
I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
Daniel Tosh
The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
Daniel Tosh
I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
Daniel Tosh
God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
Daniel Tosh
e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
Daniel Tosh
Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
Daniel Tosh
