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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Oil
Sensitive
Fingers
Poor
People
Cashmere
Touching
Highly
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
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Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all
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It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
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I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
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There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
Daniel Tosh
I’m a Bad Test Taker…you mean you’re stupid?
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Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think how can you make a joke about this?
Daniel Tosh
God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
Daniel Tosh
I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
Daniel Tosh
Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
Daniel Tosh
Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
Daniel Tosh
You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.
Daniel Tosh
You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
Daniel Tosh
My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
Daniel Tosh
If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable - unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.
Daniel Tosh
The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.
Daniel Tosh
Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys.
Daniel Tosh
I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
Daniel Tosh
