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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Poor
People
Cashmere
Touching
Highly
Oil
Sensitive
Fingers
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
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There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
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Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
Daniel Tosh
Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
Daniel Tosh
I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
Daniel Tosh
Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.
Daniel Tosh
I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
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Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
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I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
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I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
Daniel Tosh
Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
Daniel Tosh
Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
Daniel Tosh
Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think how can you make a joke about this?
Daniel Tosh
I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that.
Daniel Tosh
My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
Daniel Tosh
