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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
People
Cashmere
Touching
Highly
Oil
Sensitive
Fingers
Poor
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
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I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that.
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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
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Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
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Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
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How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
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Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
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I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
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I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
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I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
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I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.
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The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.
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