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I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Idea
Hate
Ideas
Love
Cannon
Cannons
Owning
Gun

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
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I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
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I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.
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Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.
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No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
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I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
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There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.
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Now it's time for amasians... That's Asians doing something amazing.
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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
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No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all
Daniel Tosh