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I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Owning
Gun
Idea
Hate
Ideas
Love
Cannon
Cannons

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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
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I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.
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Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
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Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
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I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
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I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.
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Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.
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I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that.
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I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
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I'll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?!
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At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.
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