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My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Everything
Florida
Excuse
Grew

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
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I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
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Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.
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I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?
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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
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The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
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You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.
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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
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Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
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I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.
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I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
Daniel Tosh
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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
Daniel Tosh
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A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.
Daniel Tosh
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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
Daniel Tosh
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I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.
Daniel Tosh
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
Daniel Tosh
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You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.
Daniel Tosh