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My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Everything
Florida
Excuse
Grew

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
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You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.
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I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
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Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
Daniel Tosh
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
Daniel Tosh
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You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
Daniel Tosh
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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
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Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
Daniel Tosh
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Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think how can you make a joke about this?
Daniel Tosh
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Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
Daniel Tosh
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Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.
Daniel Tosh
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Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
Daniel Tosh
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Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
Daniel Tosh
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
Daniel Tosh
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I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?
Daniel Tosh
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I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
Daniel Tosh