Quote

Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Everyone
Clearly
Away
Mouths
Hands
Jokes
Feel
Watching
Feels
Laugh
Shitty
Make
Laughing
Joke
People
Hand
Thank
Enjoy
Mouth

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I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
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Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
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At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.
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Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
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It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
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I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
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Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
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I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.
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My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
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Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think how can you make a joke about this?
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