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You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Really
Daughter
Parents
Parent
Sixteen
Year
Skinny
Tell
Princess
Wells
Horrible
Well
Models
Years
Guess

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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
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Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
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Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
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Now it's time for amasians... That's Asians doing something amazing.
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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
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I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.
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I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
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No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.
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Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.
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No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all
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Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
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You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
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