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You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Year
Skinny
Tell
Princess
Wells
Horrible
Well
Models
Years
Guess
Really
Daughter
Parents
Parent
Sixteen
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
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I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.
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Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
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If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable - unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.
Daniel Tosh
I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
Daniel Tosh
I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
Daniel Tosh
Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
Daniel Tosh
I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
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Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
Daniel Tosh
I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?
Daniel Tosh
I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.
Daniel Tosh
Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?
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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
Daniel Tosh
Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
Daniel Tosh
The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
Daniel Tosh
You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
Daniel Tosh