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Now it's time for amasians... That's Asians doing something amazing.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Something
Time
Asians
Amazing
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
Daniel Tosh
I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
Daniel Tosh
That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
Daniel Tosh
Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
Daniel Tosh
I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
Daniel Tosh
I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'
Daniel Tosh
Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
Daniel Tosh
Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.
Daniel Tosh
I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
Daniel Tosh
The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
Daniel Tosh
If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
Daniel Tosh
Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.
Daniel Tosh
I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.
Daniel Tosh
At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.
Daniel Tosh
I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
Daniel Tosh
e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
Daniel Tosh
God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
Daniel Tosh
I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
Daniel Tosh
Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
Daniel Tosh
I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
Daniel Tosh