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I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Stand
Worst
Water
Polo
Kids
Corrected
Thought
Soccer
Always
Punishment
Would
Played
Watching
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
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Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.
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I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
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It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
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Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.
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I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.
Daniel Tosh
