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The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
World
Cutest
Cat
Dog
Better
Thing

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
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I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
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I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.
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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
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I'll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?!
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
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I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
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I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
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I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.
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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
Daniel Tosh
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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
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I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
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No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.
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Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
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I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
Daniel Tosh