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I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Door
Car
Doors
People
Locking
Popping
Lock
Locks
Whenever

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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
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Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
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Now it's time for amasians... That's Asians doing something amazing.
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If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable - unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
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No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all
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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
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It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!
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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
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There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
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I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.
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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
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I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.
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I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'
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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
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The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.
Daniel Tosh