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I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Doors
People
Locking
Popping
Lock
Locks
Whenever
Door
Car

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Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
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It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!
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Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.
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Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets.
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I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
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Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.
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Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
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I'm also not good with numbers either, so it's not a great mix. People apparently don't want you ball-parkin' it when it comes to their finances.
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
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Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
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Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.
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Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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