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I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Doors
People
Locking
Popping
Lock
Locks
Whenever
Door
Car

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I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
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Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
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It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!
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Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.
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I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
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Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
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I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.
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The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.
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I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
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I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
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I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
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