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I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Locks
Whenever
Door
Car
Doors
People
Locking
Popping
Lock

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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
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I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
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I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
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Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I decided, 'I'm just going to buy a house.'
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I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?
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Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
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Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
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I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
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I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
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If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable - unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.
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How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
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You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
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