Quote

I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Saying
Jobs
Charger
Made
Cord
Long
Cords
Would
Iphone
Steve
Smarter
Twice

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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
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Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets.
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
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There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
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I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
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I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.
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No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
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I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.
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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
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I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
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I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'
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