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I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Would
Iphone
Steve
Smarter
Twice
Saying
Jobs
Charger
Made
Cord
Long
Cords
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
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Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
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I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.
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I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
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At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.
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Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.
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Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
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I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
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Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
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I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
Daniel Tosh
