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I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Black
Bob
Comes
Cows
Littles
Fast
Back
Holy
Little
Hear
Think
Sports
Thinking
Though
Announcer
People
Less
Announcers
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
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I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
Daniel Tosh
Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
Daniel Tosh
I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.
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You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.
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I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.
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I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.
Daniel Tosh
Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
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You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
Daniel Tosh
I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
Daniel Tosh
There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
Daniel Tosh
You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
Daniel Tosh
My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
Daniel Tosh
Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?
Daniel Tosh