Quote

I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Normal
Dead
Problem
Solved
Back
Infant
Heart
Shirt
Urban
Shirts
Abortion

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
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Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
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I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
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Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
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If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
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I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that.
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Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?
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I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
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I'm also not good with numbers either, so it's not a great mix. People apparently don't want you ball-parkin' it when it comes to their finances.
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Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
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Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
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A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.
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My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
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