Quote

I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Abortion
Normal
Dead
Problem
Solved
Back
Infant
Heart
Shirt
Urban
Shirts

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
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I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
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The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.
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My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
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I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
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I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
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Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.
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Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
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Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.
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I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.
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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
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Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
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I'm also not good with numbers either, so it's not a great mix. People apparently don't want you ball-parkin' it when it comes to their finances.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.
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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
Daniel Tosh