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If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Looks
Eden
First
Ladies
Adam
Bible
Garden
Look
Firsts
Everything
Sinned
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It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
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I'll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?!
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
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You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.
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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
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Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?
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You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.
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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
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At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys.
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I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
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You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
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Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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