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If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Everything
Sinned
Looks
Eden
First
Ladies
Adam
Bible
Garden
Look
Firsts

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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys.
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I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.
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I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'
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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
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Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.
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Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.
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Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
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I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.
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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
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I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
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I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
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Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
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I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
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