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If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Looks
Eden
First
Ladies
Adam
Bible
Garden
Look
Firsts
Everything
Sinned

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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?
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I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
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Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I decided, 'I'm just going to buy a house.'
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You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
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You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.
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Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
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Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
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I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
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I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
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