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Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Find
Ugly
Hard
Girls
Really
Guys
Nice
Guy
Actually
Girl
Easy
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.
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I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
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Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
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I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
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Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
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Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
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I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.
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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
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No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.
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I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
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Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.
Daniel Tosh
