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Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Guy
Actually
Girl
Easy
Find
Ugly
Hard
Girls
Really
Guys
Nice
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
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I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
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I'm also not good with numbers either, so it's not a great mix. People apparently don't want you ball-parkin' it when it comes to their finances.
Daniel Tosh
Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
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I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
Daniel Tosh
You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
Daniel Tosh
Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.
Daniel Tosh
Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
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Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
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Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.
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I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
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Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
Daniel Tosh
If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable - unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.
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I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
Daniel Tosh
Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.
Daniel Tosh
