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Kangoroos can't hop backwards.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Hops
Backwards

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Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.
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There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
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I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
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Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
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You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
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I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.
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At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.
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I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
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Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.
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A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.
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Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.
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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
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I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
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Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
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I wanna get rich enough in life that I can afford to release a dozen doves every time I walk into a room. You know people would be like, 'Did you see that guy come out of the bathroom? The one with doves, it was beautiful.'
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I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
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I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
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