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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Always
Boxers
Like
Republican
Lose
Loses
White
Matter
Hard
Mexicans
Work
Boxer
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Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
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My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
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Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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You should never eat when you're on the toilet. But I'm lactose-intolerant, and I always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole milk! That's more of an almond milk cereal, but live your dream.
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I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.
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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
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I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
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Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.
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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
Daniel Tosh
