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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
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Republican
Lose
Loses
White
Matter
Hard
Mexicans
Work
Boxer
Always
Boxers
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
Daniel Tosh
I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
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You should never eat when you're on the toilet. But I'm lactose-intolerant, and I always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole milk! That's more of an almond milk cereal, but live your dream.
Daniel Tosh
Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
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It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!
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The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
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You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
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Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
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Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.
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There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
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I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.
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Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
Daniel Tosh
I'm also not good with numbers either, so it's not a great mix. People apparently don't want you ball-parkin' it when it comes to their finances.
Daniel Tosh
Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.
Daniel Tosh
I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
Daniel Tosh
A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.
Daniel Tosh
I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
Daniel Tosh
