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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Like
Republican
Lose
Loses
White
Matter
Hard
Mexicans
Work
Boxer
Always
Boxers

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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
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I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
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I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that.
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I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.
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I'm also not good with numbers either, so it's not a great mix. People apparently don't want you ball-parkin' it when it comes to their finances.
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Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
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Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think how can you make a joke about this?
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
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My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
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You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.
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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
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Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.
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You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
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Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
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I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
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