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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Space
Mars
Tell
Stick
Believe
Desert
Camera
Sticks
Cameras
Exists
Gonna
Roomba

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
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Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
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Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.
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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
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Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.
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Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
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At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.
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I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.
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I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.
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I wanna get rich enough in life that I can afford to release a dozen doves every time I walk into a room. You know people would be like, 'Did you see that guy come out of the bathroom? The one with doves, it was beautiful.'
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There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
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Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
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Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys.
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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
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Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
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I'll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?!
Daniel Tosh