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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Gonna
Roomba
Space
Mars
Tell
Stick
Believe
Desert
Camera
Sticks
Cameras
Exists

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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
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I wanna get rich enough in life that I can afford to release a dozen doves every time I walk into a room. You know people would be like, 'Did you see that guy come out of the bathroom? The one with doves, it was beautiful.'
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Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
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I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
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I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
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Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
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Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets.
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Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.
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I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
Daniel Tosh