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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Believe
Desert
Camera
Sticks
Cameras
Exists
Gonna
Roomba
Space
Mars
Tell
Stick

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.
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Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.
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I wanna get rich enough in life that I can afford to release a dozen doves every time I walk into a room. You know people would be like, 'Did you see that guy come out of the bathroom? The one with doves, it was beautiful.'
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Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.
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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
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Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.
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Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.
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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
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Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
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I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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