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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Men
Overrun
Spiders
Giant
Giants
Weren
Planet
Planets
Would

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
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I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
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I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.
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I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that.
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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
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I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
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Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.
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I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
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I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
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I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'
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Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
Daniel Tosh