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Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
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Pedophile
Racist
Racism
Friend
Saying
Stop
Black
Kids

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Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
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I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.
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Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
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Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
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I'll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?!
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I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?
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Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
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I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
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I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.
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How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
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You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.
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No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
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