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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Coffee
Women
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More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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I'll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?!
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Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.
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I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
Daniel Tosh
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Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
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No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all
Daniel Tosh
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Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.
Daniel Tosh
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There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
Daniel Tosh
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I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that.
Daniel Tosh
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I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.
Daniel Tosh
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I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
Daniel Tosh
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I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
Daniel Tosh
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I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
Daniel Tosh
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Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
Daniel Tosh
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
Daniel Tosh
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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
Daniel Tosh