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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
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Wisconsin
Germany
Past
Really
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.
Daniel Tosh
I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
Daniel Tosh
I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
Daniel Tosh
My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
Daniel Tosh
Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
Daniel Tosh
I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
Daniel Tosh
Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.
Daniel Tosh
You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
Daniel Tosh
I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
Daniel Tosh
At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.
Daniel Tosh
I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
Daniel Tosh
I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
Daniel Tosh
I'll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?!
Daniel Tosh
I wanna get rich enough in life that I can afford to release a dozen doves every time I walk into a room. You know people would be like, 'Did you see that guy come out of the bathroom? The one with doves, it was beautiful.'
Daniel Tosh
Now it's time for amasians... That's Asians doing something amazing.
Daniel Tosh
You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
Daniel Tosh
If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
Daniel Tosh
I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.
Daniel Tosh
Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
Daniel Tosh
Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.
Daniel Tosh
