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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Like
Wisconsin
Germany
Past
Really

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
Daniel Tosh
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Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.
Daniel Tosh
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Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think how can you make a joke about this?
Daniel Tosh
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I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
Daniel Tosh
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
Daniel Tosh
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
Daniel Tosh
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I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.
Daniel Tosh
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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
Daniel Tosh
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Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.
Daniel Tosh
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Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
Daniel Tosh
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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
Daniel Tosh
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It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
Daniel Tosh
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I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.
Daniel Tosh
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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
Daniel Tosh
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Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I decided, 'I'm just going to buy a house.'
Daniel Tosh
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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
Daniel Tosh
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I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
Daniel Tosh
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I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
Daniel Tosh
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Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
Daniel Tosh
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
Daniel Tosh