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Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Happiness
Skip
Money
Homeless
Allowed
Persons
Answer
Person
Answers
Ever
Seen
Courses
Buys
Course
Riddle

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I decided, 'I'm just going to buy a house.'
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.
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Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
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I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
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You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.
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There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
Daniel Tosh
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Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?
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Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.
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A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.
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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
Daniel Tosh
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Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.
Daniel Tosh