Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.
Daniel Tosh
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Seen
Courses
Buys
Course
Riddle
Happiness
Skip
Money
Homeless
Persons
Allowed
Person
Answer
Ever
Answers
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
Daniel Tosh
No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
Daniel Tosh
I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
Daniel Tosh
I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
Daniel Tosh
You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
Daniel Tosh
It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
Daniel Tosh
I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'
Daniel Tosh
At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.
Daniel Tosh
If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
Daniel Tosh
You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
Daniel Tosh
I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.
Daniel Tosh
Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
Daniel Tosh
Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
Daniel Tosh
There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
Daniel Tosh
I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.
Daniel Tosh
I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'
Daniel Tosh
Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
Daniel Tosh
You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.
Daniel Tosh
I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.
Daniel Tosh
Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
Daniel Tosh
