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Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Money
Homeless
Persons
Allowed
Person
Answer
Ever
Answers
Seen
Courses
Buys
Course
Riddle
Happiness
Skip

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.
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I wanna get rich enough in life that I can afford to release a dozen doves every time I walk into a room. You know people would be like, 'Did you see that guy come out of the bathroom? The one with doves, it was beautiful.'
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Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
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The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.
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Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
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I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
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The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.
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I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
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No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.
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Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
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My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
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Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
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If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.
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The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
Daniel Tosh
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
Daniel Tosh