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Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Underrated
Quality
Girl

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I’m a Bad Test Taker…you mean you’re stupid?
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I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
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It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
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Now it's time for amasians... That's Asians doing something amazing.
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You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
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You should never eat when you're on the toilet. But I'm lactose-intolerant, and I always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole milk! That's more of an almond milk cereal, but live your dream.
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Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think how can you make a joke about this?
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Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?
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Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
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No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.
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Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.
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Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.
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Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
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Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
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I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.
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I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
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Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
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I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that.
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
Daniel Tosh