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Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Exist
Immigrants
Learn
Illegal
Difficult
Immigration
Many
Letters
Make
English
Rules
Silent
Harder
Spelling

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
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Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
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I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.
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My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
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How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
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You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
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You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
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I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
Daniel Tosh
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It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
Daniel Tosh
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I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
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I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
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A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.
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I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.
Daniel Tosh