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I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Tell
Better
Sunrise
Sleeping
Watching
Sleep

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
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I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'
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Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
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I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.
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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
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Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
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The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.
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Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
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I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.
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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?
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Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
Daniel Tosh