Quote

There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.

Daniel Tosh

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Type
Left
Two
Men
World
Liam
Types

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

Image
You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
Daniel Tosh
Image
It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
Daniel Tosh
Image
If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I'll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?!
Daniel Tosh
Image
A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
Daniel Tosh
Image
Now it's time for amasians... That's Asians doing something amazing.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
Daniel Tosh