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Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Skips
Place
Live
Canadians
Much
Skip
Like
Unpleasant
Complain
Complaining
Seasons
Ones

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.
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Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.
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Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
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Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.
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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
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Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
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Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
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You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
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I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
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Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
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I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.
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Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.
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No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all
Daniel Tosh