Quote

Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Ones
Place
Skips
Live
Canadians
Much
Skip
Like
Unpleasant
Complain
Complaining
Seasons

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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
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I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.
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The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.
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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
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I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.
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Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think how can you make a joke about this?
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I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.
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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
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At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.
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I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
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Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
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