Quote

Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.

Daniel Tosh

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Much
Skip
Like
Unpleasant
Complain
Complaining
Seasons
Ones
Place
Skips
Live
Canadians

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

Image
Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I’m a Bad Test Taker…you mean you’re stupid?
Daniel Tosh
Image
I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.
Daniel Tosh
Image
No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all
Daniel Tosh
Image
I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
Daniel Tosh
Image
My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'
Daniel Tosh
Image
It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
Daniel Tosh
Image
No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.
Daniel Tosh