Quote

Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Complain
Complaining
Seasons
Ones
Place
Skips
Live
Canadians
Much
Skip
Like
Unpleasant

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I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
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I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
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Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
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The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
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I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
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I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.
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I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
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The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.
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Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.
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Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
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