Quote

Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Place
Skips
Live
Canadians
Much
Skip
Like
Unpleasant
Complain
Complaining
Seasons
Ones

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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
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Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
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The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
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No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.
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Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.
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I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
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Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.
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If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?
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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
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I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
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Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.
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A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.
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If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable - unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.
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It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
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I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
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I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
Daniel Tosh