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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Betray
Foundation
Friendship
Trust
Comedy
Friends
Good
Betraying
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
Daniel Tosh
Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
Daniel Tosh
I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
Daniel Tosh
If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable - unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.
Daniel Tosh
The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
Daniel Tosh
I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?
Daniel Tosh
I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
Daniel Tosh
That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
Daniel Tosh
I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
Daniel Tosh
I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
Daniel Tosh
I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
Daniel Tosh
I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
Daniel Tosh
I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.
Daniel Tosh
You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
Daniel Tosh
Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
Daniel Tosh
The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.
Daniel Tosh
Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
Daniel Tosh
Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
Daniel Tosh
Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.
Daniel Tosh
You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
Daniel Tosh