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The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?
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I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'
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I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.
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Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
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There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
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Now it's time for amasians... That's Asians doing something amazing.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
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The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
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I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.
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I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.
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Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I decided, 'I'm just going to buy a house.'
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
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Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
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