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The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
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More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.
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I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
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Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
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You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.
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I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
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Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets.
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Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I decided, 'I'm just going to buy a house.'
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You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
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I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
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Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.
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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'
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No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
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I'm also not good with numbers either, so it's not a great mix. People apparently don't want you ball-parkin' it when it comes to their finances.
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I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
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I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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