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The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Kids
Cute
Littles
Relationships
Little
Watching
Feel
Advice
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Outside
Think
Youth
Interracial
Thinking
Race
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Date

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
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Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
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I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
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I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?
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Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
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You should never eat when you're on the toilet. But I'm lactose-intolerant, and I always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole milk! That's more of an almond milk cereal, but live your dream.
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Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets.
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I’m a Bad Test Taker…you mean you’re stupid?
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Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
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Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.
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Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
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