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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
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Similar
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Absurd
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.
Daniel Tosh
You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
Daniel Tosh
Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
Daniel Tosh
If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
Daniel Tosh
I'm also not good with numbers either, so it's not a great mix. People apparently don't want you ball-parkin' it when it comes to their finances.
Daniel Tosh
It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
Daniel Tosh
I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
Daniel Tosh
Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
Daniel Tosh
Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
Daniel Tosh
Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
Daniel Tosh
I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
Daniel Tosh
I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.
Daniel Tosh
I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
Daniel Tosh
I'll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?!
Daniel Tosh
You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
Daniel Tosh
If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
Daniel Tosh
I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
Daniel Tosh
I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
Daniel Tosh
You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
Daniel Tosh
I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?
Daniel Tosh
