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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
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Absurd
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More quotes by Daniel Tosh
I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.
Daniel Tosh
It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
Daniel Tosh
I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
Daniel Tosh
If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
Daniel Tosh
Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.
Daniel Tosh
Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
Daniel Tosh
If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
Daniel Tosh
Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
Daniel Tosh
Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
Daniel Tosh
Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I decided, 'I'm just going to buy a house.'
Daniel Tosh
My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
Daniel Tosh
I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
Daniel Tosh
I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
Daniel Tosh
The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.
Daniel Tosh
Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
Daniel Tosh
There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
Daniel Tosh
Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys.
Daniel Tosh
Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.
Daniel Tosh
I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
Daniel Tosh
No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all
Daniel Tosh
